The title of this post says it all. In fact if there was a word that would describe crying uncontrollably I would have used it. Because that is everything to describe what I am feeling.
I went in this morning, knowing damn good and well that I should have counted those too close to tell OPKs. But I listened to my doctor who said that it just wasn't right that I would be detecting a surge on cd9 or 10. So I waited till I got that true blue positive, yesterday and called.
I saw Dr. Batres this morning who did my u/s and I went onto explaining to him about the whole OPK delimia. So he put a rush on my labs and told me to come back in 1 1/2 hours and we would go from there.
Well damnit, I freaking already ovulated!!!! I KNEW IT!!!! So, while I wasn't getting a true blue positive they still should have been accounted for and I should have gone in YESTERDAY for my IUI. So, this was my second to last chance and it flew right out of the damn window!!!! CRAP
So then I was told that I can't use the clomid anymore because I don't respond well to it, and I can't use the Femera anymore because its causing premature ovulation and that is a major problem. So now my only option left is to do injections for 7-10 days!!! I was planning on 4. And at $75/day I just don't think its meant to be. I mean if I have to drop $750 just for the injections, then the cost of all the extra monitoring it will take, plus the gas for the extra trips, I just don't see it happening. We are talking an extra $1,000 for 0 guarantee!
I am completely heartbroken. I feel cheated and robbed. I hurt and I want to blame someone. But who should get the blunt of my anger? Not my doctor for doing everything he was taught. Not my husband because he could go have sex with 100 other women and get 100 children out of the deal. The only person I can blame is myself. Its my fault! Its my body's fault for being so stupid and incapable. I hate myself! I hate that I have taken our family dream and crushed it because of how stupid I am.
So, I can say now that my TTC journey is over. No more fertility treatments, no more u/s, no more hope.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Facing a harsh reality
Well, its about that time that I start coming to terms with the hand I have been dealt.
After 42 months of actively TTC and having 8 sweet precious angels in heaven, I have accepted the fact that there is no way I can, on my own, provide my family with another child. I have to use some form of fertility treatment and guidence. I am completely 100% incapable of getting pregnant on my own. What a crappy thing that is since I am only 26 years old and there are girls out there who are half my age getting pregnant.
Now the next thing I need to accept is that Charlie will be my one and only living child. I have exhausted just about all of my options in the realm of fertility treatments. I am to the point where I need to either accept my fate or move onto IVF.
I know in my heart of hearts that I could never do IVF. I mean even if I only ended up with 5 embryos, my doctor will only transfer 1 at a time, and if I get pg on the first try there is no way I can kill those other embryos, because that is what it will come to. I know that I have no intention of trying again for a 3 child. Not after everything I have gone through with my losses and getting to this point.
I feel like a worthless piece of crap, who is broken and deserves to be tossed out. I mean there are women out there who can't provide for their children and yet they continue to have them. There are women out there who get pg and then kill that baby because they never wanted it in the first place. I would give just about anything to be in their position. I missed so much with Charlie and I will NEVER even have the chance to experience it.
I am tired of ppl telling me to relax and it will happen. How can I relax when I have to watch every little thing that my body does just so I can do fertility treatments? Fertility treatments are anything BUT relaxing.
The other thing that ppl tell me is to adopt. In the state of Arkansas it will cost me $500 just for them to take the application out of my hand. That doesn't include the costs of meetings, classes, nothing, just for the taking of the application.
I look at Charlie and my heart hurts for him. He deserves to be a big brother. He would be a fantastic big brother! Some kids were meant to be the only child, but not my kid, he was born to teach and protect someone smaller than him.
He wants to be a big brother so badly. How do I tell him that his mother's body is a worthless, broken piece of crap that can't do the most basic of its functions?
My heart is in a million pieces. I don't know what hurts more... thinking of the children I have lost, or to think of the child I will never have.
After 42 months of actively TTC and having 8 sweet precious angels in heaven, I have accepted the fact that there is no way I can, on my own, provide my family with another child. I have to use some form of fertility treatment and guidence. I am completely 100% incapable of getting pregnant on my own. What a crappy thing that is since I am only 26 years old and there are girls out there who are half my age getting pregnant.
Now the next thing I need to accept is that Charlie will be my one and only living child. I have exhausted just about all of my options in the realm of fertility treatments. I am to the point where I need to either accept my fate or move onto IVF.
I know in my heart of hearts that I could never do IVF. I mean even if I only ended up with 5 embryos, my doctor will only transfer 1 at a time, and if I get pg on the first try there is no way I can kill those other embryos, because that is what it will come to. I know that I have no intention of trying again for a 3 child. Not after everything I have gone through with my losses and getting to this point.
I feel like a worthless piece of crap, who is broken and deserves to be tossed out. I mean there are women out there who can't provide for their children and yet they continue to have them. There are women out there who get pg and then kill that baby because they never wanted it in the first place. I would give just about anything to be in their position. I missed so much with Charlie and I will NEVER even have the chance to experience it.
I am tired of ppl telling me to relax and it will happen. How can I relax when I have to watch every little thing that my body does just so I can do fertility treatments? Fertility treatments are anything BUT relaxing.
The other thing that ppl tell me is to adopt. In the state of Arkansas it will cost me $500 just for them to take the application out of my hand. That doesn't include the costs of meetings, classes, nothing, just for the taking of the application.
I look at Charlie and my heart hurts for him. He deserves to be a big brother. He would be a fantastic big brother! Some kids were meant to be the only child, but not my kid, he was born to teach and protect someone smaller than him.
He wants to be a big brother so badly. How do I tell him that his mother's body is a worthless, broken piece of crap that can't do the most basic of its functions?
My heart is in a million pieces. I don't know what hurts more... thinking of the children I have lost, or to think of the child I will never have.
Cycle Day 11 11/16/09
And the confusion and frustration continues.
When I saw Dr. Moutos earlier this month he told me to wait till cd11 to start testing with my OPKs. Something in my heart of hearts told me to go with my gut and start testing on cd9 like I did last cycle.
On cd9 it was very close to a positive... cd10 same thing. And here we are cd11 and sure enough positive! Again before cd12 I got my stupid surge. How the heck are they supposed to monitor me, if I can't make it to that much needed appt?
So, I called the doctors office and they said to go ahead and still come in tomorrow for my u/s and they will check my LH levels with some blood work and if needed I will come back in for the IUI. This is frustrating beyond belief! I mean, considering we live an hour away, I can not just keep driving back and forth for this. I mean seriously! Just check everything and go ahead and do the IUI. And if needed have be come back on Wednesday for another IUI. I have Charlie and Tyler to think about. I mean, Tyler has to be at work by 3:30 and Charlie gets home at 3:45. AHHHH someone just help me get through this!
I just seriously want my fertility journey to end. I want to be pregnant and enjoy my pregnancy and have a bundle of joy in my arms. I feel like the light that is at the end of the tunnel is so dim that I question if its still on.
I will write more tomorrow once I have more definate answers.
When I saw Dr. Moutos earlier this month he told me to wait till cd11 to start testing with my OPKs. Something in my heart of hearts told me to go with my gut and start testing on cd9 like I did last cycle.
On cd9 it was very close to a positive... cd10 same thing. And here we are cd11 and sure enough positive! Again before cd12 I got my stupid surge. How the heck are they supposed to monitor me, if I can't make it to that much needed appt?
So, I called the doctors office and they said to go ahead and still come in tomorrow for my u/s and they will check my LH levels with some blood work and if needed I will come back in for the IUI. This is frustrating beyond belief! I mean, considering we live an hour away, I can not just keep driving back and forth for this. I mean seriously! Just check everything and go ahead and do the IUI. And if needed have be come back on Wednesday for another IUI. I have Charlie and Tyler to think about. I mean, Tyler has to be at work by 3:30 and Charlie gets home at 3:45. AHHHH someone just help me get through this!
I just seriously want my fertility journey to end. I want to be pregnant and enjoy my pregnancy and have a bundle of joy in my arms. I feel like the light that is at the end of the tunnel is so dim that I question if its still on.
I will write more tomorrow once I have more definate answers.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Cycle Day 3 11/8/09
Well I went in today for my cd3 u/s. Everything looked alright. No cysts to be concerned about. Which is always the one thing I ask about each time a new cycle starts.
I told Dr. Moutos that after this cycle we will be on a break till February since Tyler is heading out in December. So, with that being said I told him I wanted to up my Femera from 2.5mg to 5mg. He agreed. I told him when I come back in the new year (if I don't get pg) that I will then do the injections.
I am again supposed to use the OPKs. He was very confused about the fact that I got my LH surge on cd11 last cycle. He said I really shouldn't be getting a surge before cd12. So we will see what happens this month. I will probably start using the OPKs again on cd9 and just test until I go back. As of right now I am scheduled to go back on cd12 which is November 17th. So, I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.
I am curious to see just what the increased dosage will do to me this month. Last month it really seemed to kick my butt. Wish me luck.
I told Dr. Moutos that after this cycle we will be on a break till February since Tyler is heading out in December. So, with that being said I told him I wanted to up my Femera from 2.5mg to 5mg. He agreed. I told him when I come back in the new year (if I don't get pg) that I will then do the injections.
I am again supposed to use the OPKs. He was very confused about the fact that I got my LH surge on cd11 last cycle. He said I really shouldn't be getting a surge before cd12. So we will see what happens this month. I will probably start using the OPKs again on cd9 and just test until I go back. As of right now I am scheduled to go back on cd12 which is November 17th. So, I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.
I am curious to see just what the increased dosage will do to me this month. Last month it really seemed to kick my butt. Wish me luck.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Cycle Day 1 11/6/09
Well, another failed cycle. I am feeling at a complete loss right now.
I called the clinic and after 2 calls and no one calling me back I finally paged the doctor and he is having me come in on Sunday and we will check things out and talk about the next step and talk about options.
Tyler and I have talked a lot already and I am going to ask if they will increase my Femera to 5mg from the 2.5 mg I did last month.
If I can't get tricare to cover my injections than Tyler and I are going to take December and January off and save up the money to try again with the injections come February. I told Tyler that I can really only see us doing the injections for one month and after that I am done trying. I know I can't bring myself to do IVF, so there isn't even a point in discussing it with the doctor.
I am slowly watching my dreams slip through my fingers and I don't know what to do about it.
I will write more as it comes about.
I called the clinic and after 2 calls and no one calling me back I finally paged the doctor and he is having me come in on Sunday and we will check things out and talk about the next step and talk about options.
Tyler and I have talked a lot already and I am going to ask if they will increase my Femera to 5mg from the 2.5 mg I did last month.
If I can't get tricare to cover my injections than Tyler and I are going to take December and January off and save up the money to try again with the injections come February. I told Tyler that I can really only see us doing the injections for one month and after that I am done trying. I know I can't bring myself to do IVF, so there isn't even a point in discussing it with the doctor.
I am slowly watching my dreams slip through my fingers and I don't know what to do about it.
I will write more as it comes about.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Cycle Day 12 10/19/09
Cycle day 12 is here. Normally I would have written about the fact that I went in for an u/s and blood work and all of that good stuff. Not this time around. Due to the fact that I detected my LH surge on an OPK yesterday I came in this morning for my IUI.
At first it didn't go so well. When I signed in I asked if they had changed my appt from an u/s to an IUI and it hadn't been changed. So, before they could start the process they had to check with the doctor who then confirmed what I was telling them.
After all was said and done I went back around 11 and waited for the doctor.
It was weird not knowing how many follicles I have this month or how big they were. But maybe its a good thing; there isn't a chance for me to really read into anything other than, I caught my surge and I went in for my IUI... end of story.
Given Dr. Moutos did say something weird this time... "If your period doesn't start in 2 weeks from today than give us a call." Normally I am told to test in two weeks and go from there.
So I guess we will see what happens this time around. I start my progesterone tomorrow night.
Send us good wishes and lots of baby dust.
At first it didn't go so well. When I signed in I asked if they had changed my appt from an u/s to an IUI and it hadn't been changed. So, before they could start the process they had to check with the doctor who then confirmed what I was telling them.
After all was said and done I went back around 11 and waited for the doctor.
It was weird not knowing how many follicles I have this month or how big they were. But maybe its a good thing; there isn't a chance for me to really read into anything other than, I caught my surge and I went in for my IUI... end of story.
Given Dr. Moutos did say something weird this time... "If your period doesn't start in 2 weeks from today than give us a call." Normally I am told to test in two weeks and go from there.
So I guess we will see what happens this time around. I start my progesterone tomorrow night.
Send us good wishes and lots of baby dust.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Cycle Day 11 10/18/09
Well, this cycle I was told to use OPKs and to call if I got a positive. I took a OPK yesterday at noon and it was too close to tell. I mean the entire bottom half of the line was positive but the upper half was not. So I went ahead and called the doc, he wasn't convinced since it wasn't a definate positive and plus it is so early.
I tested again last night and it was a negative. So I figured lets see what happens today. And sure enough it was a definate positive! On cd11!! I can't believe it! So, instead of going in tomorrow at 9 for an u/s and labs I am going in for my IUI! I hope this is it for us!
I am taking in the paperwork for the medication approval so that we can get that going just in case I were to need it.
I will let you know how everything goes tomorrow.
I tested again last night and it was a negative. So I figured lets see what happens today. And sure enough it was a definate positive! On cd11!! I can't believe it! So, instead of going in tomorrow at 9 for an u/s and labs I am going in for my IUI! I hope this is it for us!
I am taking in the paperwork for the medication approval so that we can get that going just in case I were to need it.
I will let you know how everything goes tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Cycle Day 7 10/14/09
Well yesterday we went to the office so Tyler could give a sample so they could run another SA. Whenever they do an IUI they check the mobility and his count so we know where those things stand, but what we didn't know about was the morphology, (the fertility).
My nurse called me this afternoon to give me the results. She made me laugh when she started out with, "There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with Tyler's sample!" I was able to let out a sigh of relief.
She continued with the numbers. She told me that the average count is 20mil (million) Tyler's count was over 220mil! For mobility they want around 50%, Tyler's was 59%! And for morphology they want 14 and Tyler's was 15! So, all in all I would say he is very well equipped for the job. LOL. In fact we are thinking of coming up with a uniform and theme song for the newest superhero on the scene, SuperSperm Man!
As for me, I finished up my femera today. I had some stomach pains off and on and it made me pretty tired, but other than that nothing else in the relm of side-effects. I start using my OPK's (ovulation predictor kits) on Friday. And if nothing shows up before Monday I will be going in for my blood work and u/s at 9:00am
I will update as things continue.
My nurse called me this afternoon to give me the results. She made me laugh when she started out with, "There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with Tyler's sample!" I was able to let out a sigh of relief.
She continued with the numbers. She told me that the average count is 20mil (million) Tyler's count was over 220mil! For mobility they want around 50%, Tyler's was 59%! And for morphology they want 14 and Tyler's was 15! So, all in all I would say he is very well equipped for the job. LOL. In fact we are thinking of coming up with a uniform and theme song for the newest superhero on the scene, SuperSperm Man!
As for me, I finished up my femera today. I had some stomach pains off and on and it made me pretty tired, but other than that nothing else in the relm of side-effects. I start using my OPK's (ovulation predictor kits) on Friday. And if nothing shows up before Monday I will be going in for my blood work and u/s at 9:00am
I will update as things continue.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Cycle Day 2 10/9/09
I went in today thinking I would just get an u/s like normal, be told to take my clomid, then estrogen, come in on cd12 and go from there. I figured there would be a chance to voice my concern, but I got so much more than I could have hoped for. And for that I am very happy.
Dr. Batres came in for my u/s and started by giving me a big hug and telling me that he was so sorry about what happened and felt so bad that I had to go through such a disappointment. I knew right there he would hear what I had to say and give me some form of hope or options, and I was right.
We started with talking about my Lupus... he wanted to get those tests ran again just to make sure things are looking ok. He was so pleased when I told him that I have been taking my baby asprin daily since we got the news about my Lupus.
He sat and listened as I broke down with confusion and frustration about how I was told I would never have children then get Charlie with no form of help fertility wise and here I am 6 years later and no second child to speak of. I told him that its hard to know we have been trying for 3 1/2 years and nothing to show but heartache. I was up front with him about how I wanted the truth, should we continue trying or just pass the buck and live our lives as a family of three. I didn't want to dance around the issue anymore, I wanted to know! I want to know if there is something to hold onto.
He asked us if we were open to IVF. The answer was yes, but were we absolutely at that point already. And he said no, but that we might, might, want to start talking more in deptly about it and see where we stand with it. Ok fair enough.
He continued with talking to us about no longer taking the clomid and moving onto femera and possibily injections. It took us back for a minute but he explained that with clomid it is very common for it to thin the uterine lining and since I already have a thin lining and Lupus that that could very well be the problem. Even though I take estrogen to help and it does help that it just might not be enough. He explained that the femera does not thin out the lining. Then with adding the injections it will do 2 things for me. 1- produce more eggs, and 2- make my eggs for fertile. Ok I can see that as an option.
He told me if I was willing to be patient for just a little longer he would like to do another SA (sperm analysis) on Tyler and then just do femera this cycle and then we could move on next month to injections. He told me I would need them for 3-4 days and they will cost $75/day... so about $300. Unfortnately our insurance will not cover those.
So, I am just waiting for my labs to come back and then I will start the femera tomorrow and take it through cd7. I will then start testing twice a day with OPKs on cd9 and continue till I either get a positve or I get to cd12 in which case I will go back in for another u/s and lab work.
.....
Added: They called and my blood work all came back great! WOO HOO. So Tyler will be going in for his SA on Tuesday morning, and then I have my cd12 stuff on the 19th. PLUS... I found out TRICARE should cover the injections... costing us only $9! I have some paperwork I have to get for the doctor and he has to get it authorized, but if we can get it done, that would be SO much better than $300!
I will write more as it happens. Let this cycle begin!!!
Dr. Batres came in for my u/s and started by giving me a big hug and telling me that he was so sorry about what happened and felt so bad that I had to go through such a disappointment. I knew right there he would hear what I had to say and give me some form of hope or options, and I was right.
We started with talking about my Lupus... he wanted to get those tests ran again just to make sure things are looking ok. He was so pleased when I told him that I have been taking my baby asprin daily since we got the news about my Lupus.
He sat and listened as I broke down with confusion and frustration about how I was told I would never have children then get Charlie with no form of help fertility wise and here I am 6 years later and no second child to speak of. I told him that its hard to know we have been trying for 3 1/2 years and nothing to show but heartache. I was up front with him about how I wanted the truth, should we continue trying or just pass the buck and live our lives as a family of three. I didn't want to dance around the issue anymore, I wanted to know! I want to know if there is something to hold onto.
He asked us if we were open to IVF. The answer was yes, but were we absolutely at that point already. And he said no, but that we might, might, want to start talking more in deptly about it and see where we stand with it. Ok fair enough.
He continued with talking to us about no longer taking the clomid and moving onto femera and possibily injections. It took us back for a minute but he explained that with clomid it is very common for it to thin the uterine lining and since I already have a thin lining and Lupus that that could very well be the problem. Even though I take estrogen to help and it does help that it just might not be enough. He explained that the femera does not thin out the lining. Then with adding the injections it will do 2 things for me. 1- produce more eggs, and 2- make my eggs for fertile. Ok I can see that as an option.
He told me if I was willing to be patient for just a little longer he would like to do another SA (sperm analysis) on Tyler and then just do femera this cycle and then we could move on next month to injections. He told me I would need them for 3-4 days and they will cost $75/day... so about $300. Unfortnately our insurance will not cover those.
So, I am just waiting for my labs to come back and then I will start the femera tomorrow and take it through cd7. I will then start testing twice a day with OPKs on cd9 and continue till I either get a positve or I get to cd12 in which case I will go back in for another u/s and lab work.
.....
Added: They called and my blood work all came back great! WOO HOO. So Tyler will be going in for his SA on Tuesday morning, and then I have my cd12 stuff on the 19th. PLUS... I found out TRICARE should cover the injections... costing us only $9! I have some paperwork I have to get for the doctor and he has to get it authorized, but if we can get it done, that would be SO much better than $300!
I will write more as it happens. Let this cycle begin!!!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Cycle Day 1 10/8/09
The wicked witch showed her ugly face this afternoon. Back to the beginning I suppose. Given I am not sure where I stand with all of this. I am not sure if it is worth continuing on with all of this, 3 1/2 years of heartbreak is a lot to deal with. The disappointment of not getting pregnant, the heartache of getting pregnant and then having a miscarriage.
Charlie knows that I did not get pregnant this time around and he seems to have the positive attitude for all of us. Reminding me that he is meant to have a baby sister, a sister to play with and to teach things to. How did I say no to something like that? How do I turn my back on his dream of being a big brother? What do I do from here?
Tyler is so confused and hurt this time around. For the first time in 3 1/2 years he said he wasn't sure if its worth continuing. He hurts because he feels like he can't make my dream come true, our dream, our family dream. I want to say something to comfort him, but I feel such similar things. Like my body is broken, and can't do the job that it is designed to do, that it was so rightfully meant to do. I don't understand how I can be told I would never have children and then have Charlie. Is he my one and only miracle? Because if so, than I wish I could know that so I could stop all of this madness of trying for another child.
I called the doctor's office and they are having me come in tomorrow morning for my cycle day 3 u/s. I want to be able to talk to my doctor and ask if we honestly should continue with all of this. I mean he told us from the beginning that it typically happens within 3 IUIs, we have done 4.
Hopefully tomorrow morning will give me some direction, either continue onward or to throw in the towel.
Charlie knows that I did not get pregnant this time around and he seems to have the positive attitude for all of us. Reminding me that he is meant to have a baby sister, a sister to play with and to teach things to. How did I say no to something like that? How do I turn my back on his dream of being a big brother? What do I do from here?
Tyler is so confused and hurt this time around. For the first time in 3 1/2 years he said he wasn't sure if its worth continuing. He hurts because he feels like he can't make my dream come true, our dream, our family dream. I want to say something to comfort him, but I feel such similar things. Like my body is broken, and can't do the job that it is designed to do, that it was so rightfully meant to do. I don't understand how I can be told I would never have children and then have Charlie. Is he my one and only miracle? Because if so, than I wish I could know that so I could stop all of this madness of trying for another child.
I called the doctor's office and they are having me come in tomorrow morning for my cycle day 3 u/s. I want to be able to talk to my doctor and ask if we honestly should continue with all of this. I mean he told us from the beginning that it typically happens within 3 IUIs, we have done 4.
Hopefully tomorrow morning will give me some direction, either continue onward or to throw in the towel.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Cycle Day 31 10/7/09
Well I went in for my blood test this morning. What a waste. My HCG level was less than .05 so there is no form of hope to hold onto. I just don't understand how it is negative when I have 3 positive HPTs. I mean come on now.
They couldn't really give me any real explaination, they said it could have been a faulty test... ummm 3 different tests, 3 different brands all on 3 different days... I doubt it.
Then they tried telling me it could have been the Ovidrel, I got the most recent positive 19 days after tha stupid shot... how likely is it that it was still in my system.
I feel like a fool and a failure. I let myself get happy about this, I shouldn't have been so damn stupid to believe it. I failed my husband and my son. I can't complete our family. Tell me please how I could have such a good run this cycle and it STILL end in heartbreak.
Tyler is crushed and heartbroken, and I don't know what to say to him since I feel the EXACT same way.
I think we have some serious talking to do this weekend
They couldn't really give me any real explaination, they said it could have been a faulty test... ummm 3 different tests, 3 different brands all on 3 different days... I doubt it.
Then they tried telling me it could have been the Ovidrel, I got the most recent positive 19 days after tha stupid shot... how likely is it that it was still in my system.
I feel like a fool and a failure. I let myself get happy about this, I shouldn't have been so damn stupid to believe it. I failed my husband and my son. I can't complete our family. Tell me please how I could have such a good run this cycle and it STILL end in heartbreak.
Tyler is crushed and heartbroken, and I don't know what to say to him since I feel the EXACT same way.
I think we have some serious talking to do this weekend
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Testing Day Part 2 10/6/09
HOLY PREGNANCY TESTS BATMAN!!! I got it! It was positive this morning!!
Yesterday something was just nagging at me, telling me to take a test. So this morning I went and got a test and took it and sure enough there were two pink lines! I didn't need to twist the test around and get in the right light, it was there. Not super dark but there and that was enough for me.
I burst into tears, they wouldn't stop pouring down my face. I keep asking, "Are you sure?" "There's a line?" I was in total disbelief, still am some. I was shaking so bad that my hands and feet went completely numb. I always felt like I was outside of the window looking in at something I wanted so badly but couldn't find the door to get in.
I called my doctors office this morning and I go in tomorrow morning to get blood work done and then again on Friday to make sure that my levels are going up. I can't believe it. After 3 1/2 LONG years I finally got my final piece of joy.
Two months ago we left Arkansas to go tell Robbi good-bye and here we are today getting the news that she has given us a piece of her back.
We are going to wait to tell Charlie till we know everything is alright. I would like to wait till an ultrasound, but Tyler wants to tell him after the blood work. Either way we will be telling him after something shows us that things are ok.
As for family and friends, I told my best friend today, she is the only one who knows that we were trying this month and that we continued with fertility treatments. So I had to tell her, but then also ask her not to say anything. We will most likely tell my mom when she comes next month and everyone else will follow after that.
I can't believe it!
Yesterday something was just nagging at me, telling me to take a test. So this morning I went and got a test and took it and sure enough there were two pink lines! I didn't need to twist the test around and get in the right light, it was there. Not super dark but there and that was enough for me.
I burst into tears, they wouldn't stop pouring down my face. I keep asking, "Are you sure?" "There's a line?" I was in total disbelief, still am some. I was shaking so bad that my hands and feet went completely numb. I always felt like I was outside of the window looking in at something I wanted so badly but couldn't find the door to get in.
I called my doctors office this morning and I go in tomorrow morning to get blood work done and then again on Friday to make sure that my levels are going up. I can't believe it. After 3 1/2 LONG years I finally got my final piece of joy.
Two months ago we left Arkansas to go tell Robbi good-bye and here we are today getting the news that she has given us a piece of her back.
We are going to wait to tell Charlie till we know everything is alright. I would like to wait till an ultrasound, but Tyler wants to tell him after the blood work. Either way we will be telling him after something shows us that things are ok.
As for family and friends, I told my best friend today, she is the only one who knows that we were trying this month and that we continued with fertility treatments. So I had to tell her, but then also ask her not to say anything. We will most likely tell my mom when she comes next month and everyone else will follow after that.
I can't believe it!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Testing Day Part 1 10/2/09
And it was nothing but disappointment.
I woke up a little after 5 this morning and decided to go ahead and test. I was still feeling very good about it.
Within minutes I had my answer, negative. Not even a hint that there was hope to hold onto. One line just one damn line!
I don't understand, how, or why? How come I can't get pg? I lost some extra weight (even though my docs said I was fine), I had surgery to make sure I was alright, I did EVERYTHING on schedule during my cycle, I took all of the drugs, I had 3 freaking eggs and yet here I am in tears feeling like the biggest loser. Now for the why. Why is it women can have 10 different baby daddy's and still pop out more kids, why can people who can't even provide for themselves be the ones who get to experience this joy.
I just don't know how much more I can take. Everything was RIGHT THERE. I don't get it. If I can't get pg with 3 eggs than will I ever get pg. I wasn't asking for all three to be babies, I would be more than happy with just one, but no. I get to cry and feel like the loser because my body won't do the damn job it was designed for.
I woke up a little after 5 this morning and decided to go ahead and test. I was still feeling very good about it.
Within minutes I had my answer, negative. Not even a hint that there was hope to hold onto. One line just one damn line!
I don't understand, how, or why? How come I can't get pg? I lost some extra weight (even though my docs said I was fine), I had surgery to make sure I was alright, I did EVERYTHING on schedule during my cycle, I took all of the drugs, I had 3 freaking eggs and yet here I am in tears feeling like the biggest loser. Now for the why. Why is it women can have 10 different baby daddy's and still pop out more kids, why can people who can't even provide for themselves be the ones who get to experience this joy.
I just don't know how much more I can take. Everything was RIGHT THERE. I don't get it. If I can't get pg with 3 eggs than will I ever get pg. I wasn't asking for all three to be babies, I would be more than happy with just one, but no. I get to cry and feel like the loser because my body won't do the damn job it was designed for.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Cycle Day 25 10/01/09
Well I am not sure if its a sign, but Charlie did something pretty random this week. He came to me Tuesday night and told me that I would find out on Friday about having a baby. He has no idea when I can test so why he would just say that is beyond me. Then he turned around this morning and said something similiar to Tyler while I was sleeping.
I have decided to go ahead and test in the morning. We are all anxious to know and we all have a good feeling about this month. It would definately be a great way to start out the month.
I just hope that Robbi is with me in the morning. We all miss her so much and would really love to have a piece of her back with us in some special way.
Keep those fingers and toes crossed, for tomorrow, October 2nd, 2009 could very well be the day to change our family's life.
I have decided to go ahead and test in the morning. We are all anxious to know and we all have a good feeling about this month. It would definately be a great way to start out the month.
I just hope that Robbi is with me in the morning. We all miss her so much and would really love to have a piece of her back with us in some special way.
Keep those fingers and toes crossed, for tomorrow, October 2nd, 2009 could very well be the day to change our family's life.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Cycle Day 23 9/29/09
Ok, well Tyler is making holding off on testing a very difficult task. He asked about how long the Ovidrel should stay in my system and I told him about 10-12 days from the time it is given. Well its been 11 days for me and of course he is asking if I should test.
While neither one of us wants to get our hopes up too high we are both just feeling so good about this month and we are both dying to know. LOL
I told Tyler that technically I should wait till AT LEAST till this Friday and that in all honesty that I should just wait till Sunday and test when the doc told me to.
My heart is very hopeful on this, I just keep praying that this is our time, we all could use this sort of family combined good news.
I will keep the updates coming. Keep those fingers crossed for us, because its almost time to know.
While neither one of us wants to get our hopes up too high we are both just feeling so good about this month and we are both dying to know. LOL
I told Tyler that technically I should wait till AT LEAST till this Friday and that in all honesty that I should just wait till Sunday and test when the doc told me to.
My heart is very hopeful on this, I just keep praying that this is our time, we all could use this sort of family combined good news.
I will keep the updates coming. Keep those fingers crossed for us, because its almost time to know.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Cycle Day 19 9/25/09
Well, its been almost a week since my IUI proceedure. Its hard to not get too hopeful. I want to be hopeful beyond belief, I mean this cycle had so many better indicators than other cycles, but I know there are no guarantees.
I keep thinking about when I will get to find out. I try to keep it out of my mind, but I really want to know if things are going to work out in our favor. I still can't get over it, 3 eggs 3! And they were all mature and ready to go. I didn't need the injections, I didn't need to add additional drugs, I just needed to fine tune the plan that we were already working with. It feels good to know that Tyler and I made the right decision about increasing the clomid.
Those kind of decisions can really make a difference in situations like this and you always want to second guess it and question if it was the right way to go.
I am not really paying attention to 'possible symptoms' between having the HCG shot still in my system, and my mind, I know its possible to have tricks happen. A woman's body is a cruel and complicated thing. And any man who says a woman has it easier, feel free to take my place any day. LOL
But overall things seem to be going well. I am just waiting for Oct 4th to find out if everything we did this month pays off.
I will continue to update. Maybe the next one will be filled with the best news of all.
I keep thinking about when I will get to find out. I try to keep it out of my mind, but I really want to know if things are going to work out in our favor. I still can't get over it, 3 eggs 3! And they were all mature and ready to go. I didn't need the injections, I didn't need to add additional drugs, I just needed to fine tune the plan that we were already working with. It feels good to know that Tyler and I made the right decision about increasing the clomid.
Those kind of decisions can really make a difference in situations like this and you always want to second guess it and question if it was the right way to go.
I am not really paying attention to 'possible symptoms' between having the HCG shot still in my system, and my mind, I know its possible to have tricks happen. A woman's body is a cruel and complicated thing. And any man who says a woman has it easier, feel free to take my place any day. LOL
But overall things seem to be going well. I am just waiting for Oct 4th to find out if everything we did this month pays off.
I will continue to update. Maybe the next one will be filled with the best news of all.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Cycle Day 14- IUI 9/20/09
Well today was the day. We had to be there at 8:30 this morning to get the ball rolling.
Tyler went back at around 8:45 and came back out at about 5 to nine. So the hour wait began while they washed and prepped his sperm. But unfortunately that hour turned into 3 hours. And let me tell you, my panic button was being pushed.
Finally I went back and got prepped myself. With Charlie sitting in the chair behind me and Tyler at my side holding my hand, I was ready. Ready for what I hope is the end of our long 3 1/2 year long journey.
Dr Batres (another one of the REs in the office) came in and gave me the scare of my life. He looks at me and says, "They're dead, they're all dead!" While Tyler looked confused, I knew what he meant, and my heart fell out of my chest and straight through the floor. He then smiles and tells me that the sperm is fine and looks great. Man I swear I was about ready to cry. I thought that maybe the wait was too long and in turn we lost our chance. But he reassured me that he has done successful IUIs with sperm that had waited 8 hours. So, if someone could get pregnant with 8 hour old sperm surely I could get pregnant with 3 hour old sperm. LOL
He figured that my eggs would be dropping sometime between 10:30am-1pm today... so if thats the case, the sperm should have very little travel time to find at least one of those eggs.
Tyler and I have 'homework' for tonight and I will start my progesterone tomorrow night. And if I do in fact get pregnant, the progesterone will help our little bean to stick.
I am supposed to test in 2 weeks which will be Oct 4th. I hope I can hold out that long and I hope that our long journey will finally end will good news.
I will keep the updates coming in hopes that I can keep my sanity.
Tyler went back at around 8:45 and came back out at about 5 to nine. So the hour wait began while they washed and prepped his sperm. But unfortunately that hour turned into 3 hours. And let me tell you, my panic button was being pushed.
Finally I went back and got prepped myself. With Charlie sitting in the chair behind me and Tyler at my side holding my hand, I was ready. Ready for what I hope is the end of our long 3 1/2 year long journey.
Dr Batres (another one of the REs in the office) came in and gave me the scare of my life. He looks at me and says, "They're dead, they're all dead!" While Tyler looked confused, I knew what he meant, and my heart fell out of my chest and straight through the floor. He then smiles and tells me that the sperm is fine and looks great. Man I swear I was about ready to cry. I thought that maybe the wait was too long and in turn we lost our chance. But he reassured me that he has done successful IUIs with sperm that had waited 8 hours. So, if someone could get pregnant with 8 hour old sperm surely I could get pregnant with 3 hour old sperm. LOL
He figured that my eggs would be dropping sometime between 10:30am-1pm today... so if thats the case, the sperm should have very little travel time to find at least one of those eggs.
Tyler and I have 'homework' for tonight and I will start my progesterone tomorrow night. And if I do in fact get pregnant, the progesterone will help our little bean to stick.
I am supposed to test in 2 weeks which will be Oct 4th. I hope I can hold out that long and I hope that our long journey will finally end will good news.
I will keep the updates coming in hopes that I can keep my sanity.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Cycle Day 12 9/18/09
Well today was my cd12 u/s and labs. I was feeling good about things, side effects from the clomid kicked my butt, but I reminded myself that it would be worth it if something good could come from it, and it sure did.
I know from past IUI's I have had that if I take clomid on cd3-7 that I will need the Ovidrel on cd12 and then I have the IUI on cd14. So, I was hopeful that I knew my body well enough and that it would follow pattern.
I went back for my u/s and waited. When the door opened I saw a woman which surprised me at first because all of the REs in my office are male. She explained to me that she was a resident working with the clinic and that she would be performing my u/s today. No biggie.
Well, she started with my left ovary (the problem ovary) and I have 2 mature follicles on my left. She then went to me right and I had 1 mature follicle there. 3 follicles just waiting for my IUI. I was so happy and excited that I almost started to cry. She then checked my endometrium and it had thickened and was right where it needed to be. I was thrilled. The higher dose of Clomid worked!
So, after I got done with my u/s they pulled my blood for my LH and then I met with Dr. Batres to talk about how things are looking. He was very pleased with the way things were looking and told me to count on coming back on Sunday, cd14! I knew it.
I went and got my Ovidrel shot so that I would have it for tonight, plus I filled my progesterone for when I would need it come Monday night.
My nurse called back this afternoon and said yeppers, go ahead with my shot tonight and to be there at 8:30 Sunday morning. I am very excited and happy. I really have a good feeling about this month, its OUR month. I will write more on Sunday.
I know from past IUI's I have had that if I take clomid on cd3-7 that I will need the Ovidrel on cd12 and then I have the IUI on cd14. So, I was hopeful that I knew my body well enough and that it would follow pattern.
I went back for my u/s and waited. When the door opened I saw a woman which surprised me at first because all of the REs in my office are male. She explained to me that she was a resident working with the clinic and that she would be performing my u/s today. No biggie.
Well, she started with my left ovary (the problem ovary) and I have 2 mature follicles on my left. She then went to me right and I had 1 mature follicle there. 3 follicles just waiting for my IUI. I was so happy and excited that I almost started to cry. She then checked my endometrium and it had thickened and was right where it needed to be. I was thrilled. The higher dose of Clomid worked!
So, after I got done with my u/s they pulled my blood for my LH and then I met with Dr. Batres to talk about how things are looking. He was very pleased with the way things were looking and told me to count on coming back on Sunday, cd14! I knew it.
I went and got my Ovidrel shot so that I would have it for tonight, plus I filled my progesterone for when I would need it come Monday night.
My nurse called back this afternoon and said yeppers, go ahead with my shot tonight and to be there at 8:30 Sunday morning. I am very excited and happy. I really have a good feeling about this month, its OUR month. I will write more on Sunday.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Cycle Day 3 9/9/09
Well today I had my cd3 u/s. It was the first chance to look at my ovaries since my surgery in July. I am very happy to report that my ovaries look great! No sign of cysts on either side! Thank goodness!!!
I told Dr. Moutos that we had talked it over and decided to go ahead with another IUI and he was happy with our decision. He wants to make sure that we do what WE feel we need to do and to not second guess our decisions.
So, I got my script for the 100mg of clomid and started that today. I will take that through cd7 and starting on cd8 I will then start taking the estrogen. I go back on cd12 which will be Sept 18 for another u/s and blood work. I am hoping to have 2 or more mature eggs in hopes that one of them will take. Depending on those results will depend on when we do the IUI.
And so our journey continues, and I hope this time we get a happy ending.
I told Dr. Moutos that we had talked it over and decided to go ahead with another IUI and he was happy with our decision. He wants to make sure that we do what WE feel we need to do and to not second guess our decisions.
So, I got my script for the 100mg of clomid and started that today. I will take that through cd7 and starting on cd8 I will then start taking the estrogen. I go back on cd12 which will be Sept 18 for another u/s and blood work. I am hoping to have 2 or more mature eggs in hopes that one of them will take. Depending on those results will depend on when we do the IUI.
And so our journey continues, and I hope this time we get a happy ending.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Its time to start...
I thought after 3+ years of trying to conceive (TTC) that it was time to start writing about what is going on and when it goes on.
So, the back story.
I got pregnant with our son Charlie back in 2003. This was after I was told I would never be able to have children or that if I were to get pregnant that it would be short lived.
Well, my pregnancy was straight from hell. I spent most of it in the hospital or in a bed. I was miserable. I truely wouldn't have wished it even on my worst enemy.
My delivery was awful. I knew my water broke on Nov. 2nd, the nurses told me it didn't and to go home. I went for my appt on the 4th and after being sent home again Charlie was born via emergency c-section.
My recovery was a nightmare. Bleeding 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and being told it was normal.
I had several surgeries between the time of Charlie's birth to the Spring of 2005. And I still wasn't well.
After moving to Arkansas, I found a wonderful OB, a true angel to my family, who found that I had been living with Ovarian Cancer.
More surgeries occurred and after my battle I was told that I could still have children, it may only be one more, but it was possible.
So in April 2006 Tyler and I started trying. I got pregnant several times, all which ended in miscarriages. And in 2008 I decided to talk to my doctor about moving onto something else.
We went through multiple tests, more me than Tyler, but still both. Everything looked great. My tubes were clear, I was ovulating, Tyler's sperm count was beyond perfect. But nothing to show for any of it.
And thats when my doctor put me on 50mg of clomid, to give my body that extra little boost. Sure enough I got pregnant, Sept 2008. And within days of getting the news, I ended up in the ER being told that they were sorry and that I was starting to miscarry. Something about that time crushed me more than the others. Maybe it was because of the hope I had placed, I am not sure. But at that point I had lost 8 children and my heart just couldn't take anymore.
My OB wanted Tyler and I to see a RE (reproductive endocrinolgist) AKA fertility doctor, to see if maybe they could help us substain a pregnancy and then when I was ready I would go back to him.
I was very torn, but Tyler reminded me that there was nothing wrong with at least talking to the RE and see what options were available.
Oct 2008 we went and met with Dr. Moutos, angel number 2. He told us about TTC with an IUI with clomid and how he was confident that would be a good place for us to start.
Tyler and I spent a lot of time talking, making sure that IF we did this, that we were both on board and felt 100% comfortable with our decision. We decided to wait till after the holidays and then make our decision.
We went back in Jan 2009 to meet with Dr Moutos and tell him we were ready to try things his way and to give and IUI a chance.
On Jan 20th I got my period and I started the ball rolling with calling to schedule my cycle day (cd) 3 labs and u/s. I went in on the 22nd and got everything done and my script for the clomid and started taking it that day. On Jan 31st, I went back in for an u/s and blood work. This was going to check to see how many eggs I had and if I was ready to ovulate. I had one good egg but I did need to give myself a shot of Ovidrel (medicine to make your eggs drop). I went back on Feb 2nd for the IUI proceedure and kept my fingers crossed. Due to my m/c rate they put me on progesterone to help if I were to get pg.
Two weeks past and no pregnancy. It was time for round 2.
I went in for my cd labs and u/s on Feb 23... only this time they told me that my endometrium was thin and that could be causing problems, so that I needed to take estrogen after finishing the clomid and that that should help thicken it. Ok, another problem but an easy solution.
I went in on cd12 which was Mar 2 and again I only had 1 egg but I was ready to ovulate on my own, so I came back the next morning for my IUI. Another failed attempt.
March 24 came and I went in for labs and my u/s again. Things were looking good so I started my clomid. But my doctor also said he wanted to test me for Lupus, since lupus can cause m/c he wanted to rule it out. So they took some extra blood and I though nothing of it.
I went in on April 2nd for my u/s and again only 1 egg but again I needed the ovidrel to help it drop and I went in on April 4th for my IUI. Two weeks later and disappointment.
Then came the boom, my test results were back, I have Lupus. So that would explain why I have been having m/c. I am angry with my body for failing to do its job.
At this point Tyler and I decided to break because he was getting ready to leave for some training with the Army.
We talked to my doc and he said when it got closer to when we were ready to start trying again that we would come up with a good plan.
While Tyler was away we talked about trying as soon as he got back, but maybe just trying on our own, but with meds. So in July when I got my period I scheduled my u/s only this is when things started going crazy. They found 2 cysts! One on each ovary. The one on my left was the size of an orange and the one on the right the size of a golfball. So trying was out of question because I had to go on birth control. While I was on the b/c the pain got unbearable so I went back for another u/s and the cysts hadn't changed much so it was time to talk about surgery. ANOTHER SURGERY!!!
I figure, why not, I need to get rid of the pain. I scheduled it for Aug 6th and started getting things in order. But then they decided I needed to get in sooner so it got pushed up to July 30th.
It was supposed to be a simple Lap, remove any endo if needed and get rid of those stupid cysts.
But I ended up with complications. at 5 days post-op I had massive drainage from my belly button and after a CT scan we found I had an underlying infection. great! Then 3 days later I find out I have a blood clot in my arm from where the IV was placed during my surgery. So I certainly had to take care of those things first. But I was finally able to stop taking the b/c.
On Aug 20th I finally had my post-op appt and we talked to Dr Moutos about continuing on with trying. He said it was up to us, we could continue on our own or we could keep with the IUIs, that it wasn't time to move onto IVF. At first Tyler and I decided to just get a higher dose of clomid and continue on our own. But after much discussion we have decided to keep with the IUIs.
My period started yesterday, so I will be going in tomorrow morning to start my 4th cycle with IUI treatments.
I will write after my appt and once I know the game plan
So, the back story.
I got pregnant with our son Charlie back in 2003. This was after I was told I would never be able to have children or that if I were to get pregnant that it would be short lived.
Well, my pregnancy was straight from hell. I spent most of it in the hospital or in a bed. I was miserable. I truely wouldn't have wished it even on my worst enemy.
My delivery was awful. I knew my water broke on Nov. 2nd, the nurses told me it didn't and to go home. I went for my appt on the 4th and after being sent home again Charlie was born via emergency c-section.
My recovery was a nightmare. Bleeding 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and being told it was normal.
I had several surgeries between the time of Charlie's birth to the Spring of 2005. And I still wasn't well.
After moving to Arkansas, I found a wonderful OB, a true angel to my family, who found that I had been living with Ovarian Cancer.
More surgeries occurred and after my battle I was told that I could still have children, it may only be one more, but it was possible.
So in April 2006 Tyler and I started trying. I got pregnant several times, all which ended in miscarriages. And in 2008 I decided to talk to my doctor about moving onto something else.
We went through multiple tests, more me than Tyler, but still both. Everything looked great. My tubes were clear, I was ovulating, Tyler's sperm count was beyond perfect. But nothing to show for any of it.
And thats when my doctor put me on 50mg of clomid, to give my body that extra little boost. Sure enough I got pregnant, Sept 2008. And within days of getting the news, I ended up in the ER being told that they were sorry and that I was starting to miscarry. Something about that time crushed me more than the others. Maybe it was because of the hope I had placed, I am not sure. But at that point I had lost 8 children and my heart just couldn't take anymore.
My OB wanted Tyler and I to see a RE (reproductive endocrinolgist) AKA fertility doctor, to see if maybe they could help us substain a pregnancy and then when I was ready I would go back to him.
I was very torn, but Tyler reminded me that there was nothing wrong with at least talking to the RE and see what options were available.
Oct 2008 we went and met with Dr. Moutos, angel number 2. He told us about TTC with an IUI with clomid and how he was confident that would be a good place for us to start.
Tyler and I spent a lot of time talking, making sure that IF we did this, that we were both on board and felt 100% comfortable with our decision. We decided to wait till after the holidays and then make our decision.
We went back in Jan 2009 to meet with Dr Moutos and tell him we were ready to try things his way and to give and IUI a chance.
On Jan 20th I got my period and I started the ball rolling with calling to schedule my cycle day (cd) 3 labs and u/s. I went in on the 22nd and got everything done and my script for the clomid and started taking it that day. On Jan 31st, I went back in for an u/s and blood work. This was going to check to see how many eggs I had and if I was ready to ovulate. I had one good egg but I did need to give myself a shot of Ovidrel (medicine to make your eggs drop). I went back on Feb 2nd for the IUI proceedure and kept my fingers crossed. Due to my m/c rate they put me on progesterone to help if I were to get pg.
Two weeks past and no pregnancy. It was time for round 2.
I went in for my cd labs and u/s on Feb 23... only this time they told me that my endometrium was thin and that could be causing problems, so that I needed to take estrogen after finishing the clomid and that that should help thicken it. Ok, another problem but an easy solution.
I went in on cd12 which was Mar 2 and again I only had 1 egg but I was ready to ovulate on my own, so I came back the next morning for my IUI. Another failed attempt.
March 24 came and I went in for labs and my u/s again. Things were looking good so I started my clomid. But my doctor also said he wanted to test me for Lupus, since lupus can cause m/c he wanted to rule it out. So they took some extra blood and I though nothing of it.
I went in on April 2nd for my u/s and again only 1 egg but again I needed the ovidrel to help it drop and I went in on April 4th for my IUI. Two weeks later and disappointment.
Then came the boom, my test results were back, I have Lupus. So that would explain why I have been having m/c. I am angry with my body for failing to do its job.
At this point Tyler and I decided to break because he was getting ready to leave for some training with the Army.
We talked to my doc and he said when it got closer to when we were ready to start trying again that we would come up with a good plan.
While Tyler was away we talked about trying as soon as he got back, but maybe just trying on our own, but with meds. So in July when I got my period I scheduled my u/s only this is when things started going crazy. They found 2 cysts! One on each ovary. The one on my left was the size of an orange and the one on the right the size of a golfball. So trying was out of question because I had to go on birth control. While I was on the b/c the pain got unbearable so I went back for another u/s and the cysts hadn't changed much so it was time to talk about surgery. ANOTHER SURGERY!!!
I figure, why not, I need to get rid of the pain. I scheduled it for Aug 6th and started getting things in order. But then they decided I needed to get in sooner so it got pushed up to July 30th.
It was supposed to be a simple Lap, remove any endo if needed and get rid of those stupid cysts.
But I ended up with complications. at 5 days post-op I had massive drainage from my belly button and after a CT scan we found I had an underlying infection. great! Then 3 days later I find out I have a blood clot in my arm from where the IV was placed during my surgery. So I certainly had to take care of those things first. But I was finally able to stop taking the b/c.
On Aug 20th I finally had my post-op appt and we talked to Dr Moutos about continuing on with trying. He said it was up to us, we could continue on our own or we could keep with the IUIs, that it wasn't time to move onto IVF. At first Tyler and I decided to just get a higher dose of clomid and continue on our own. But after much discussion we have decided to keep with the IUIs.
My period started yesterday, so I will be going in tomorrow morning to start my 4th cycle with IUI treatments.
I will write after my appt and once I know the game plan
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