The title of this post says it all. In fact if there was a word that would describe crying uncontrollably I would have used it. Because that is everything to describe what I am feeling.
I went in this morning, knowing damn good and well that I should have counted those too close to tell OPKs. But I listened to my doctor who said that it just wasn't right that I would be detecting a surge on cd9 or 10. So I waited till I got that true blue positive, yesterday and called.
I saw Dr. Batres this morning who did my u/s and I went onto explaining to him about the whole OPK delimia. So he put a rush on my labs and told me to come back in 1 1/2 hours and we would go from there.
Well damnit, I freaking already ovulated!!!! I KNEW IT!!!! So, while I wasn't getting a true blue positive they still should have been accounted for and I should have gone in YESTERDAY for my IUI. So, this was my second to last chance and it flew right out of the damn window!!!! CRAP
So then I was told that I can't use the clomid anymore because I don't respond well to it, and I can't use the Femera anymore because its causing premature ovulation and that is a major problem. So now my only option left is to do injections for 7-10 days!!! I was planning on 4. And at $75/day I just don't think its meant to be. I mean if I have to drop $750 just for the injections, then the cost of all the extra monitoring it will take, plus the gas for the extra trips, I just don't see it happening. We are talking an extra $1,000 for 0 guarantee!
I am completely heartbroken. I feel cheated and robbed. I hurt and I want to blame someone. But who should get the blunt of my anger? Not my doctor for doing everything he was taught. Not my husband because he could go have sex with 100 other women and get 100 children out of the deal. The only person I can blame is myself. Its my fault! Its my body's fault for being so stupid and incapable. I hate myself! I hate that I have taken our family dream and crushed it because of how stupid I am.
So, I can say now that my TTC journey is over. No more fertility treatments, no more u/s, no more hope.
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