Facing a harsh reality

Well, its about that time that I start coming to terms with the hand I have been dealt.
After 42 months of actively TTC and having 8 sweet precious angels in heaven, I have accepted the fact that there is no way I can, on my own, provide my family with another child. I have to use some form of fertility treatment and guidence. I am completely 100% incapable of getting pregnant on my own. What a crappy thing that is since I am only 26 years old and there are girls out there who are half my age getting pregnant.
Now the next thing I need to accept is that Charlie will be my one and only living child. I have exhausted just about all of my options in the realm of fertility treatments. I am to the point where I need to either accept my fate or move onto IVF.
I know in my heart of hearts that I could never do IVF. I mean even if I only ended up with 5 embryos, my doctor will only transfer 1 at a time, and if I get pg on the first try there is no way I can kill those other embryos, because that is what it will come to. I know that I have no intention of trying again for a 3 child. Not after everything I have gone through with my losses and getting to this point.
I feel like a worthless piece of crap, who is broken and deserves to be tossed out. I mean there are women out there who can't provide for their children and yet they continue to have them. There are women out there who get pg and then kill that baby because they never wanted it in the first place. I would give just about anything to be in their position. I missed so much with Charlie and I will NEVER even have the chance to experience it.
I am tired of ppl telling me to relax and it will happen. How can I relax when I have to watch every little thing that my body does just so I can do fertility treatments? Fertility treatments are anything BUT relaxing.
The other thing that ppl tell me is to adopt. In the state of Arkansas it will cost me $500 just for them to take the application out of my hand. That doesn't include the costs of meetings, classes, nothing, just for the taking of the application.
I look at Charlie and my heart hurts for him. He deserves to be a big brother. He would be a fantastic big brother! Some kids were meant to be the only child, but not my kid, he was born to teach and protect someone smaller than him.
He wants to be a big brother so badly. How do I tell him that his mother's body is a worthless, broken piece of crap that can't do the most basic of its functions?
My heart is in a million pieces. I don't know what hurts more... thinking of the children I have lost, or to think of the child I will never have.