Cycle day 12 is here. Normally I would have written about the fact that I went in for an u/s and blood work and all of that good stuff. Not this time around. Due to the fact that I detected my LH surge on an OPK yesterday I came in this morning for my IUI.
At first it didn't go so well. When I signed in I asked if they had changed my appt from an u/s to an IUI and it hadn't been changed. So, before they could start the process they had to check with the doctor who then confirmed what I was telling them.
After all was said and done I went back around 11 and waited for the doctor.
It was weird not knowing how many follicles I have this month or how big they were. But maybe its a good thing; there isn't a chance for me to really read into anything other than, I caught my surge and I went in for my IUI... end of story.
Given Dr. Moutos did say something weird this time... "If your period doesn't start in 2 weeks from today than give us a call." Normally I am told to test in two weeks and go from there.
So I guess we will see what happens this time around. I start my progesterone tomorrow night.
Send us good wishes and lots of baby dust.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Cycle Day 11 10/18/09
Well, this cycle I was told to use OPKs and to call if I got a positive. I took a OPK yesterday at noon and it was too close to tell. I mean the entire bottom half of the line was positive but the upper half was not. So I went ahead and called the doc, he wasn't convinced since it wasn't a definate positive and plus it is so early.
I tested again last night and it was a negative. So I figured lets see what happens today. And sure enough it was a definate positive! On cd11!! I can't believe it! So, instead of going in tomorrow at 9 for an u/s and labs I am going in for my IUI! I hope this is it for us!
I am taking in the paperwork for the medication approval so that we can get that going just in case I were to need it.
I will let you know how everything goes tomorrow.
I tested again last night and it was a negative. So I figured lets see what happens today. And sure enough it was a definate positive! On cd11!! I can't believe it! So, instead of going in tomorrow at 9 for an u/s and labs I am going in for my IUI! I hope this is it for us!
I am taking in the paperwork for the medication approval so that we can get that going just in case I were to need it.
I will let you know how everything goes tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Cycle Day 7 10/14/09
Well yesterday we went to the office so Tyler could give a sample so they could run another SA. Whenever they do an IUI they check the mobility and his count so we know where those things stand, but what we didn't know about was the morphology, (the fertility).
My nurse called me this afternoon to give me the results. She made me laugh when she started out with, "There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with Tyler's sample!" I was able to let out a sigh of relief.
She continued with the numbers. She told me that the average count is 20mil (million) Tyler's count was over 220mil! For mobility they want around 50%, Tyler's was 59%! And for morphology they want 14 and Tyler's was 15! So, all in all I would say he is very well equipped for the job. LOL. In fact we are thinking of coming up with a uniform and theme song for the newest superhero on the scene, SuperSperm Man!
As for me, I finished up my femera today. I had some stomach pains off and on and it made me pretty tired, but other than that nothing else in the relm of side-effects. I start using my OPK's (ovulation predictor kits) on Friday. And if nothing shows up before Monday I will be going in for my blood work and u/s at 9:00am
I will update as things continue.
My nurse called me this afternoon to give me the results. She made me laugh when she started out with, "There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with Tyler's sample!" I was able to let out a sigh of relief.
She continued with the numbers. She told me that the average count is 20mil (million) Tyler's count was over 220mil! For mobility they want around 50%, Tyler's was 59%! And for morphology they want 14 and Tyler's was 15! So, all in all I would say he is very well equipped for the job. LOL. In fact we are thinking of coming up with a uniform and theme song for the newest superhero on the scene, SuperSperm Man!
As for me, I finished up my femera today. I had some stomach pains off and on and it made me pretty tired, but other than that nothing else in the relm of side-effects. I start using my OPK's (ovulation predictor kits) on Friday. And if nothing shows up before Monday I will be going in for my blood work and u/s at 9:00am
I will update as things continue.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Cycle Day 2 10/9/09
I went in today thinking I would just get an u/s like normal, be told to take my clomid, then estrogen, come in on cd12 and go from there. I figured there would be a chance to voice my concern, but I got so much more than I could have hoped for. And for that I am very happy.
Dr. Batres came in for my u/s and started by giving me a big hug and telling me that he was so sorry about what happened and felt so bad that I had to go through such a disappointment. I knew right there he would hear what I had to say and give me some form of hope or options, and I was right.
We started with talking about my Lupus... he wanted to get those tests ran again just to make sure things are looking ok. He was so pleased when I told him that I have been taking my baby asprin daily since we got the news about my Lupus.
He sat and listened as I broke down with confusion and frustration about how I was told I would never have children then get Charlie with no form of help fertility wise and here I am 6 years later and no second child to speak of. I told him that its hard to know we have been trying for 3 1/2 years and nothing to show but heartache. I was up front with him about how I wanted the truth, should we continue trying or just pass the buck and live our lives as a family of three. I didn't want to dance around the issue anymore, I wanted to know! I want to know if there is something to hold onto.
He asked us if we were open to IVF. The answer was yes, but were we absolutely at that point already. And he said no, but that we might, might, want to start talking more in deptly about it and see where we stand with it. Ok fair enough.
He continued with talking to us about no longer taking the clomid and moving onto femera and possibily injections. It took us back for a minute but he explained that with clomid it is very common for it to thin the uterine lining and since I already have a thin lining and Lupus that that could very well be the problem. Even though I take estrogen to help and it does help that it just might not be enough. He explained that the femera does not thin out the lining. Then with adding the injections it will do 2 things for me. 1- produce more eggs, and 2- make my eggs for fertile. Ok I can see that as an option.
He told me if I was willing to be patient for just a little longer he would like to do another SA (sperm analysis) on Tyler and then just do femera this cycle and then we could move on next month to injections. He told me I would need them for 3-4 days and they will cost $75/day... so about $300. Unfortnately our insurance will not cover those.
So, I am just waiting for my labs to come back and then I will start the femera tomorrow and take it through cd7. I will then start testing twice a day with OPKs on cd9 and continue till I either get a positve or I get to cd12 in which case I will go back in for another u/s and lab work.
.....
Added: They called and my blood work all came back great! WOO HOO. So Tyler will be going in for his SA on Tuesday morning, and then I have my cd12 stuff on the 19th. PLUS... I found out TRICARE should cover the injections... costing us only $9! I have some paperwork I have to get for the doctor and he has to get it authorized, but if we can get it done, that would be SO much better than $300!
I will write more as it happens. Let this cycle begin!!!
Dr. Batres came in for my u/s and started by giving me a big hug and telling me that he was so sorry about what happened and felt so bad that I had to go through such a disappointment. I knew right there he would hear what I had to say and give me some form of hope or options, and I was right.
We started with talking about my Lupus... he wanted to get those tests ran again just to make sure things are looking ok. He was so pleased when I told him that I have been taking my baby asprin daily since we got the news about my Lupus.
He sat and listened as I broke down with confusion and frustration about how I was told I would never have children then get Charlie with no form of help fertility wise and here I am 6 years later and no second child to speak of. I told him that its hard to know we have been trying for 3 1/2 years and nothing to show but heartache. I was up front with him about how I wanted the truth, should we continue trying or just pass the buck and live our lives as a family of three. I didn't want to dance around the issue anymore, I wanted to know! I want to know if there is something to hold onto.
He asked us if we were open to IVF. The answer was yes, but were we absolutely at that point already. And he said no, but that we might, might, want to start talking more in deptly about it and see where we stand with it. Ok fair enough.
He continued with talking to us about no longer taking the clomid and moving onto femera and possibily injections. It took us back for a minute but he explained that with clomid it is very common for it to thin the uterine lining and since I already have a thin lining and Lupus that that could very well be the problem. Even though I take estrogen to help and it does help that it just might not be enough. He explained that the femera does not thin out the lining. Then with adding the injections it will do 2 things for me. 1- produce more eggs, and 2- make my eggs for fertile. Ok I can see that as an option.
He told me if I was willing to be patient for just a little longer he would like to do another SA (sperm analysis) on Tyler and then just do femera this cycle and then we could move on next month to injections. He told me I would need them for 3-4 days and they will cost $75/day... so about $300. Unfortnately our insurance will not cover those.
So, I am just waiting for my labs to come back and then I will start the femera tomorrow and take it through cd7. I will then start testing twice a day with OPKs on cd9 and continue till I either get a positve or I get to cd12 in which case I will go back in for another u/s and lab work.
.....
Added: They called and my blood work all came back great! WOO HOO. So Tyler will be going in for his SA on Tuesday morning, and then I have my cd12 stuff on the 19th. PLUS... I found out TRICARE should cover the injections... costing us only $9! I have some paperwork I have to get for the doctor and he has to get it authorized, but if we can get it done, that would be SO much better than $300!
I will write more as it happens. Let this cycle begin!!!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Cycle Day 1 10/8/09
The wicked witch showed her ugly face this afternoon. Back to the beginning I suppose. Given I am not sure where I stand with all of this. I am not sure if it is worth continuing on with all of this, 3 1/2 years of heartbreak is a lot to deal with. The disappointment of not getting pregnant, the heartache of getting pregnant and then having a miscarriage.
Charlie knows that I did not get pregnant this time around and he seems to have the positive attitude for all of us. Reminding me that he is meant to have a baby sister, a sister to play with and to teach things to. How did I say no to something like that? How do I turn my back on his dream of being a big brother? What do I do from here?
Tyler is so confused and hurt this time around. For the first time in 3 1/2 years he said he wasn't sure if its worth continuing. He hurts because he feels like he can't make my dream come true, our dream, our family dream. I want to say something to comfort him, but I feel such similar things. Like my body is broken, and can't do the job that it is designed to do, that it was so rightfully meant to do. I don't understand how I can be told I would never have children and then have Charlie. Is he my one and only miracle? Because if so, than I wish I could know that so I could stop all of this madness of trying for another child.
I called the doctor's office and they are having me come in tomorrow morning for my cycle day 3 u/s. I want to be able to talk to my doctor and ask if we honestly should continue with all of this. I mean he told us from the beginning that it typically happens within 3 IUIs, we have done 4.
Hopefully tomorrow morning will give me some direction, either continue onward or to throw in the towel.
Charlie knows that I did not get pregnant this time around and he seems to have the positive attitude for all of us. Reminding me that he is meant to have a baby sister, a sister to play with and to teach things to. How did I say no to something like that? How do I turn my back on his dream of being a big brother? What do I do from here?
Tyler is so confused and hurt this time around. For the first time in 3 1/2 years he said he wasn't sure if its worth continuing. He hurts because he feels like he can't make my dream come true, our dream, our family dream. I want to say something to comfort him, but I feel such similar things. Like my body is broken, and can't do the job that it is designed to do, that it was so rightfully meant to do. I don't understand how I can be told I would never have children and then have Charlie. Is he my one and only miracle? Because if so, than I wish I could know that so I could stop all of this madness of trying for another child.
I called the doctor's office and they are having me come in tomorrow morning for my cycle day 3 u/s. I want to be able to talk to my doctor and ask if we honestly should continue with all of this. I mean he told us from the beginning that it typically happens within 3 IUIs, we have done 4.
Hopefully tomorrow morning will give me some direction, either continue onward or to throw in the towel.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Cycle Day 31 10/7/09
Well I went in for my blood test this morning. What a waste. My HCG level was less than .05 so there is no form of hope to hold onto. I just don't understand how it is negative when I have 3 positive HPTs. I mean come on now.
They couldn't really give me any real explaination, they said it could have been a faulty test... ummm 3 different tests, 3 different brands all on 3 different days... I doubt it.
Then they tried telling me it could have been the Ovidrel, I got the most recent positive 19 days after tha stupid shot... how likely is it that it was still in my system.
I feel like a fool and a failure. I let myself get happy about this, I shouldn't have been so damn stupid to believe it. I failed my husband and my son. I can't complete our family. Tell me please how I could have such a good run this cycle and it STILL end in heartbreak.
Tyler is crushed and heartbroken, and I don't know what to say to him since I feel the EXACT same way.
I think we have some serious talking to do this weekend
They couldn't really give me any real explaination, they said it could have been a faulty test... ummm 3 different tests, 3 different brands all on 3 different days... I doubt it.
Then they tried telling me it could have been the Ovidrel, I got the most recent positive 19 days after tha stupid shot... how likely is it that it was still in my system.
I feel like a fool and a failure. I let myself get happy about this, I shouldn't have been so damn stupid to believe it. I failed my husband and my son. I can't complete our family. Tell me please how I could have such a good run this cycle and it STILL end in heartbreak.
Tyler is crushed and heartbroken, and I don't know what to say to him since I feel the EXACT same way.
I think we have some serious talking to do this weekend
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Testing Day Part 2 10/6/09
HOLY PREGNANCY TESTS BATMAN!!! I got it! It was positive this morning!!
Yesterday something was just nagging at me, telling me to take a test. So this morning I went and got a test and took it and sure enough there were two pink lines! I didn't need to twist the test around and get in the right light, it was there. Not super dark but there and that was enough for me.
I burst into tears, they wouldn't stop pouring down my face. I keep asking, "Are you sure?" "There's a line?" I was in total disbelief, still am some. I was shaking so bad that my hands and feet went completely numb. I always felt like I was outside of the window looking in at something I wanted so badly but couldn't find the door to get in.
I called my doctors office this morning and I go in tomorrow morning to get blood work done and then again on Friday to make sure that my levels are going up. I can't believe it. After 3 1/2 LONG years I finally got my final piece of joy.
Two months ago we left Arkansas to go tell Robbi good-bye and here we are today getting the news that she has given us a piece of her back.
We are going to wait to tell Charlie till we know everything is alright. I would like to wait till an ultrasound, but Tyler wants to tell him after the blood work. Either way we will be telling him after something shows us that things are ok.
As for family and friends, I told my best friend today, she is the only one who knows that we were trying this month and that we continued with fertility treatments. So I had to tell her, but then also ask her not to say anything. We will most likely tell my mom when she comes next month and everyone else will follow after that.
I can't believe it!
Yesterday something was just nagging at me, telling me to take a test. So this morning I went and got a test and took it and sure enough there were two pink lines! I didn't need to twist the test around and get in the right light, it was there. Not super dark but there and that was enough for me.
I burst into tears, they wouldn't stop pouring down my face. I keep asking, "Are you sure?" "There's a line?" I was in total disbelief, still am some. I was shaking so bad that my hands and feet went completely numb. I always felt like I was outside of the window looking in at something I wanted so badly but couldn't find the door to get in.
I called my doctors office this morning and I go in tomorrow morning to get blood work done and then again on Friday to make sure that my levels are going up. I can't believe it. After 3 1/2 LONG years I finally got my final piece of joy.
Two months ago we left Arkansas to go tell Robbi good-bye and here we are today getting the news that she has given us a piece of her back.
We are going to wait to tell Charlie till we know everything is alright. I would like to wait till an ultrasound, but Tyler wants to tell him after the blood work. Either way we will be telling him after something shows us that things are ok.
As for family and friends, I told my best friend today, she is the only one who knows that we were trying this month and that we continued with fertility treatments. So I had to tell her, but then also ask her not to say anything. We will most likely tell my mom when she comes next month and everyone else will follow after that.
I can't believe it!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Testing Day Part 1 10/2/09
And it was nothing but disappointment.
I woke up a little after 5 this morning and decided to go ahead and test. I was still feeling very good about it.
Within minutes I had my answer, negative. Not even a hint that there was hope to hold onto. One line just one damn line!
I don't understand, how, or why? How come I can't get pg? I lost some extra weight (even though my docs said I was fine), I had surgery to make sure I was alright, I did EVERYTHING on schedule during my cycle, I took all of the drugs, I had 3 freaking eggs and yet here I am in tears feeling like the biggest loser. Now for the why. Why is it women can have 10 different baby daddy's and still pop out more kids, why can people who can't even provide for themselves be the ones who get to experience this joy.
I just don't know how much more I can take. Everything was RIGHT THERE. I don't get it. If I can't get pg with 3 eggs than will I ever get pg. I wasn't asking for all three to be babies, I would be more than happy with just one, but no. I get to cry and feel like the loser because my body won't do the damn job it was designed for.
I woke up a little after 5 this morning and decided to go ahead and test. I was still feeling very good about it.
Within minutes I had my answer, negative. Not even a hint that there was hope to hold onto. One line just one damn line!
I don't understand, how, or why? How come I can't get pg? I lost some extra weight (even though my docs said I was fine), I had surgery to make sure I was alright, I did EVERYTHING on schedule during my cycle, I took all of the drugs, I had 3 freaking eggs and yet here I am in tears feeling like the biggest loser. Now for the why. Why is it women can have 10 different baby daddy's and still pop out more kids, why can people who can't even provide for themselves be the ones who get to experience this joy.
I just don't know how much more I can take. Everything was RIGHT THERE. I don't get it. If I can't get pg with 3 eggs than will I ever get pg. I wasn't asking for all three to be babies, I would be more than happy with just one, but no. I get to cry and feel like the loser because my body won't do the damn job it was designed for.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Cycle Day 25 10/01/09
Well I am not sure if its a sign, but Charlie did something pretty random this week. He came to me Tuesday night and told me that I would find out on Friday about having a baby. He has no idea when I can test so why he would just say that is beyond me. Then he turned around this morning and said something similiar to Tyler while I was sleeping.
I have decided to go ahead and test in the morning. We are all anxious to know and we all have a good feeling about this month. It would definately be a great way to start out the month.
I just hope that Robbi is with me in the morning. We all miss her so much and would really love to have a piece of her back with us in some special way.
Keep those fingers and toes crossed, for tomorrow, October 2nd, 2009 could very well be the day to change our family's life.
I have decided to go ahead and test in the morning. We are all anxious to know and we all have a good feeling about this month. It would definately be a great way to start out the month.
I just hope that Robbi is with me in the morning. We all miss her so much and would really love to have a piece of her back with us in some special way.
Keep those fingers and toes crossed, for tomorrow, October 2nd, 2009 could very well be the day to change our family's life.
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